Give up... ?

It seems like the world keep throwing all these challenges to me. I've heard a billion times "God will not give you something too hard to handle." But I just can't seem to make out, why me? At this timing?

I'm just trying to enjoy life and the world isn't letting me have that. (Boy, I sound like a whiny child) 

I don't voice out all my problems to people. Being a total INFP-T who just bottles it up until I explode, but till then I keep it in. Which is why I'm facing all the shit I didn't want to face/put aside/forgot now. 

Not forgetting how everyone else around me is probably affected by my moody attitude. 

I feel that my brain is inhaling itself. There's a war up there I can't control. And my heart, just does it's job to keep me alive. To keep me breathing. I don't feel that I'm a human these days, rather a black cloud or thunder that ruins everyone's day. 

Also trying to reduce the number of scars appearing on my wrist. It's addictive. It's hard. But it's not like I did it for a long time either. (Time to wear hoodies or nah?) I'm dying on the inside and I don't know how to save myself. Pasting tape on my hand, wearing rubber bands and crying every night or every day just to act like I'm okay in social settings. Sometimes I don't even bother acting like I'm okay.

Was I ever okay? Or did I spend majority of this year convincing myself that I was fine...

Dammit World let me breathe. I'm tired.

(And if anyone I know sees this blog, hi.)